Learning to cook "Womans' Food"

It seems that a main entree for many meals is a food called "dolma."  However, if you ask most men, they will say, "I don't like it.  It's woman's food."

I've seen men eating it, even gorging on it, but we know better than to call it anything except "woman's food."

We've had it several times.

It's been brought to our house by the neighbors, and we've had it at a couple of picnics.

It's the dish in the upper center, to the left of the meat and rice.  It is a seasoned rice (and sometimes meat) stuffed into various vegetables.

There is also white dolma and red dolma.  (You can see the difference below).  I prefer white, but that's just me.  I also prefer it stuffed in an onion skin or grape leaf.   The one thing I do not like about dolma is the large bean-type things they put in the pot with the dolma to cook.  You can see them on the tray below.

Ok, so back to this house where we stayed for 5 hours.

About 11, the ladies headed into the kitchen, and we asked if we could watch and learn to make dolma (at least I think that's what we said).

It started out simple enough.

Did I mention we cook on the floor?

The daughter in the background is making salad with white pomegranates and other wonderful things.  Later she poured a pomegranate syrup over it.  It was my favorite dish on the table!

Also, notice on the tray in front of me the insides of cucumbers.  One of the ladies let me try to scrape out the insides of a zucchini.  Let me just say it's harder than it sounds, and she had to "fix" mine after I tried.  The skin has to be pretty thin to stuff and cook properly.

The raw rice is mixed with tomato paste, parsley, a LOT of salt, a bitter/lemon salt which I don't have a translation for yet, some other spices, and oil.  Yes, that liquid you see is oil, not water!

She is scraping out the last tomatoes, and the tray is now full of all the things she will stuff with rice: grape leaves, onion skins, tomatoes, bell peppers, egg plants, and zucchini.

These are the bean-type things at the bottom that I don't like.  Of course, I may have discovered on this day that I was eating them wrong.

I was just "eating" them before, but on this day, I saw the ladies put one bean in their mouth and eat the inside of the bean and take the skin of the bean out of their mouth (kind of like you would eat a sunflower seed).

Maybe I'll try it one more time when given the chance.

This is the beginning of the grape leaf wraps.

Stuffed tomatoes are sitting upright in the pot, and she is stuffing one end of a zucchini and then closing the other end with another part of the vegetable like a puzzle.

I had never seen these long onions before in America.  The long shape definitely makes them easier to roll than a round onion.  You can also see the zucchini "puzzle" here.

The pot is getting full!

Finishing off all the grape leaves.

There is no more rice, so to help keep the heat in, she covered the top with the remaining grape leaves.

I didn't realize they had a couple of dishes already cooking, so I thought dolma and salad might be it.  But then the mom also brought in this very crispy, thin naan bread she had made.  It is so thin and fragile, that it breaks easily.

Not all women know how to make this, but it has a special quality.  It will last almost forever.

 When you are ready to eat it, you wet it by sprinkling a lot of water on it.  All of a sudden it is like a flour tortilla, bendable, and lunch-ready.

This lady took it outside to use the water on the porch.

Then, so it wouldn't be so damp, she covered it and put it in the sun for a bit.

I actually have some in my cabinet that I've had a while.

I don't ever wet it.

When I want something that kind of reminds me of a tortilla chip, I reach for a broken piece.

This particular naan has trouble holding salsa in big chunks, so I have to spoon a little on a little piece a little at a time.

But any way you can get salsa in your mouth is a good thing, right?

Chips and salsa are one of "this woman's" favorite foods.

A Little Too Early

So Doug was outside with his chocolates around 8am.

The last time he did this, he was outside at 7:00.

The big difference is that last time it was the end of Ramazan/Ramadan, and the people had been fasting during each day.  I think the anticipation of eating during day time hours had them up and moving.

On this particular day, the streets felt a little sluggish.

After all the chocolate-filled men went home, the streets were empty.

We walked to our neighbors, and they weren't home.  They had gone to visit the husband's family.

So we walked to our landlord's brother's house, next to the chicken dukan. 

To our surprise, our landlord was there, not his brother.

He invited us in, but we soon realized he was alone.

We stared at the TV, watching pilgrims in Mecca throw the rocks and spit, like I mentioned before.

It was awkward.

It was even more awkward when he started serving us!

Men usually don't do this.

Apparently, the owner of the house and his family had gone to sacrifice, so we quickly excused ourselves.

We were unsure whether we should go to another house, but we headed down our street, and some friends from last time invited us in.

This is the house where THIS took place.

Guess what?  This wasn't her house either!  But she served us anyway. 

Her sister-in-law lives here, but they were out visiting.  I really like this lady and her sister-in-law.

Doug visited with her husband, but conversation dwindled after our language ran out.

Another family came to visit, and we visited with them a little, but when they left, we excused ourselves as well.

We headed back to our house, but the family that had JUST left the previous house saw us, and they invited us into their home!

That was it, folks. 

We settled in for a long stay.

This family was our "appointment" for the day, and we were there almost five hours!!

When we first arrived, all of these beautiful ladies were there visiting, too!

We were in the "woman's room," and they all wanted their individual picture taken with Kylie, and it was getting crazy, so I suggested we all take a picture together, and they loved that!

There were numerous phones, so they asked all the younger girls in the room to take pictures.

And it continued...

After the group picture, ladies still kept trying to take selfies with me and the girls.

Their chatter and excitement really had me smiling!

But they eventually all left, and we sat with the mom and her three daughters, while Doug, our guest, and Caleb sat with all the men in the other room.

We only stayed in this room about 45 minutes, and then we went out where the men were, and it was decided that we would stay for lunch...which hadn't been cooked yet.

That's for another story.

Every Good Party Starts with Chocolate

You can tell when something big is about to happen because people usually start to prepare for it.

Think about the "preparation" for Christmas that starts in November.

Think of all the charcoal, fireworks, burgers, and chips that get purchased before the 4th of July.

The same thing happens here.


Kylie gets out her shiny shoes.

The mall hangs hundreds of balloons.

This is a bad picture, but I was trying to show you the truck in front of us is full of sheep headed to slaughter.  (see the wool in the sun?)

People all over town, washed their carpets and hung them out to dry.

This was the second day of carpets hung over our wall.  Our neighbors used our wall, knowing we wouldn't be doing any "preparations."

And don't pay any attention to our broken air conditioner on the porch, please.

My neighbor also told me that she and her husband were fasting nine days before the holiday.

So, what was my family doing to prepare?

Buying chocolate (and praying).

Just like the last holiday, Doug got outside early with his bowl of chocolate and greeted all the men on the street who were walking around getting...chocolate.

This is the neighbor boy.  Check out his outfit!!

See what this gentleman is doing?  He has his hand to his head, and he is saying "Head Eyes" in his language.  That is how you say "thank you" and show respect.



This is our landlord's brother.  If I had to pick a favorite on the street, it would be him.

And Doug is still handing out chocolate.

One time, a huge group of men came by and emptied his bowl so he had to come in for a refill.

This time of the day, women are not outside, so I was sneaking pictures from the second floor window.

Shhh!  Don't tell anyone.

This man is also saying "Head Eyes," but he's putting his hand to his heart, which is acceptable as well.

The boys are all in their new clothes

But let's not leave the girls out.

Here they are.  New clothes.  Purses.  Hair down.  Ready to go.

But, where are they going?

Probably to find more chocolate!

Feast of Sacrifice

As I mentioned last week, Muslims all over the world celebrated Eid al-Adha, the Feast of Sacrifice.  It is one of their holiest celebrations all year.  The holiday lasted all week.

Nothing was open.

Men took off work.

There was no school.

People spent time with family.

And families made trips together to have an animal sacrificed.

I took some pictures from a news website so I could show you different ways people celebrate Eid.

I think I told you that I read somewhere that over 100 million animals were slaughtered during the holiday.  Cows, sheep, goat, rams, even camels.

It's customary here to give some of your meat to neighbors if you sacrifice a bigger animal.

I don't know why these guys are laying all of this meat out, because I thought it went to the family, but since it is so much, they probably sell a ton, too.

So much blood.

 Thank you, Lord, for being the FINAL sacrifice, so that we don't have to come to You with an animal.  All you require is clean hands and a pure heart.

Pictures like this remind me of how tiresome blood and killing would have gotten day after day at the temple, and before that, the tabernacle.

The free gift of grace is truly an amazing thing!

The two pictures below are from Saudi Arabia.  You can see all the pilgrims on Hajj, an annual Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca.

One of the things they do while they are there is go to a certain area to throw stones at a certain rock, to represent throwing stones at Satan.  After the men throw the stones, they get their heads shaved, as you can see below.

I had never heard of this, but that's what this article said.

When our family went to our first visitation for the holiday, we were in a home with a live, streaming telecast at the stone-throwing rock in Mecca.

Thousands were surrounding it, throwing rocks and spitting at Satan. 

That's about all the knowledge I have for you, but I will share what we did with neighbors in an upcoming post.

I'm going to go spend a moment thanking Him for His Amazing Grace!

Do You Suffer from Separation Anxiety?

The next two houses were pretty close to each other.  I pass by them daily, but I didn't know who lived there.

I was told that the men in these houses were VERY well-respected in our neighborhood.

These were good introductions for Doug.

However, I never saw what they looked like.

When we arrived at each one, this is what happened.

Women to the left.

Men to the right.

[Sorry for the awkward photos.  I normally always have you on my mind when I'm out and about because I'm always writing a story for you in my head.  The hard part is that I always want pictures to go with the story, and sometimes that is not possible. 

This one was snapped quickly as I stayed behind, trying to be the last one to take off my shoes.]

We walked into a small sitting room in which 15 women were already sitting. 

They all stood, and YES, I kissed each one in greeting several times.

When we finally sat down, we were offered chocolates and sodas.

Conversation started slowly because I didn't know any of them, and my friend Jennifer* had only met a few.

We ended up visiting with 3 or 4 ladies around us, until we started asking how everyone was related, and then it brought everyone into the conversation.

I really need to work on my language words for family members.  It's very confusing to me.

The ladies at this house were much more subdued, but it could also be because we didn't know them well.  The matriarch had 5 of her daughters in the room (all grown), plus nieces and grandchildren, and it was relatively quiet.

At one of the houses when we were told the men were ready to leave, we said we weren't ready, but I don't think it was this house.

Doug, however, said they had some interesting spiritual conversations at this house and the next. 

It's always good when you can hear personal stories about what they believe instead of getting information solely from a book.

Two more houses left...how sad, right?  The day of visiting is almost over :(

This is Not My Favorite Outfit

Onward to house number 4.

We walked to the house next to the chicken dukan, next to our house.  It's where the brother of our landlord lives with his wife and three kids, plus our landlord's sister, and the two boys she has taken in.  The two ladies that live there were the ones that came to greet me at my house at 7:30am (and three blog posts ago).   Our landlord was over there this morning, too, visiting, but his wife and son were not with him.

I really like this family.

They only had a few visitors when we arrived.

But, as you can see, even our shoes help fill up a courtyard :)

We were offered chocolates, sunflower seeds, and orange juice.

(I'm related to a few kids whose pockets were getting pretty full of chocolate.)  I was not in the least bit jealous of them.  Chocolate in your pocket when the temps are climbing over 100 degrees, is not my idea of a "treat."

We had a good visit, did a lot of laughing with the ladies and took pictures. Our four American tween/teenage girls were on the opposite wall, but they got in a few of the pictures too.

I did; however, get this picture, and it offers some detail about the culture.

Men and boys sit on couches, if there are any present.  If there is room, and the women happen to be included in the same room, like House number 3, women are invited to sit on the couch.

However, most of the time, women sit on the floor.


In fact, I have nice callouses on my ankles because of it. 


I think I've told you about this outfit I'm wearing, right?

The sleeves are long and drag the ground; therefore, as part of the style, they are tied behind the back in a low knot.

What this means is that every time I try to get up, my backside gets caught in my sleeves.  I have to re-situate myself, and then I end up stepping on the long dress and pulling it down in the front.  So then I have to re-situate my layers again.

Whenever new people come in the room, we all have to get up.  If it's a woman entering, I have to greet her with a kiss (and play the kiss-guessing game I referred to in my last post), and if it's a man, I just stand until he's seated.

I'm trying to think now (because I can't remember), if the men stand up if it's only a woman entering.

I'm not sure, but I doubt it.

Either way, I got up and down multiple times in most of the houses on this particular day, and I know for a fact...This is NOT my Favorite Outfit!

even though she's pretty stinkin' cute in it...

He Crosses Barriers

With one house down, we headed out down the street. 

We knew this holiday was a great time to meet people, get in their homes, and begin relationships with them.  We wanted to take advantage of it while we could.
House number 2 invited us in as we passed by. 

The family that I saw at the gate was familiar, because they live directly across the street from me, so I was a little baffled as to their presence here, down the street. 

I just so happened, that the owner of this house was the brother of the man that lives across the street from me, and they live four houses from each other.

We walked into a well-lit courtyard with high walls that had vines growing up everywhere.  It was really pretty.  They had about 15 plastic chairs set in a semi-circle, so most of the adults sat down, while the kids stood.  We were immediately offered individually wrapped chocolates and sodas. 

This family, in particular, is on my heart because I see them around a lot, and their facial features show the signs of inter-family marriage over a long period of time.  It is such a wide-spread problem here, but I understand their desire to want to continue to marry within their tribe and family. 

I declined chocolates and soda, which was a good thing, because within 7-8 minutes of sitting down, we were saying goodbye and kissing the same cheeks we had just greeted minutes ago.  Most of the kids took the chocolates, but thankfully, declined sodas as well.

Did I mention that we were two American families traveling together?  Eleven of us total!!  We really make an entrance and can occupy a space pretty quickly. 

Greetings go something like this:  the men greet each other with a handshake (or a kiss, if they're lucky :), and the women greet each woman with a series of kisses.  I never know whether it's going to be 2, 3, or 4, so it's a constant guessing game in which I'm trying to read signs and signals.

Sometimes I go for more, when they want less, or they go for more than I'm ready for.

Awkward!

The third house we visited had some dear ladies that I had met through Jennifer*.  They are married to brothers, each have children, are so beautiful,  and they live together, along with some other family members in one house.

We walked in (men, women, and children) into a large sitting area.  There was a sectional couch around all the walls, seating for over 30 people. 

Chocolates were served.  Sodas were served.

Then, at the door leading into a smaller sitting room, a crouched figure appeared.

I think someone was going to offer this woman a seat by the door, but when that didn't happen quickly enough, she shuffled across the room to sit on the other side.

She was bent in half, pretty aged, and it obviously hurt for her to move.

Wouldn't you know it, about 5 minutes after she sat down, a large group of mostly men came into the courtyard. 

That means it was time for all the ladies to leave.

All the females (who had been sitting on one wall together, except for the older lady) got up silently, and we moved into another sitting room off the main one.

The crouched lady brought up the rear, and she was offered a small chair in the corner, while the rest of us took our places on rugs around the room.

We continued our visit from the front room.

They older lady was complaining about her foot hurting (as much as I could make out), and she was telling another woman who was not really listening or interested.

When the men decided it was time to go, they sent Jennifer's* 8-year old to tell us.  Before we left, the ladies of the house wanted to take a picture with us. 

NOTE: I have hidden their beautiful faces because some people do shameful things with a face and a photo shop program.  I've heard it can result in the woman (who has done nothing wrong) being kicked out of her family or worse because of the shame a falsified picture can cause.

I was still gathering up Keira's things to leave, when I noticed the older lady's complaints getting louder, with still no one paying attention.

I walked over to her, put my hand on her shoulder, and I prayed for her (in English) in His name.

When I finished, she was silent, smiling, and peaceful.

Isn't it wonderful that He crosses language and cultural barriers? 

Christmas in July

I'll bet you thought the end of Ramazan would never come...on my blog, anyway.


After Ramazan, they had a party!

A three-day party to be exact.

And July 6th was day one.

I'll be honest.  I was a little nervous about that first day.

I asked several people what to expect, and I got different answers from everyone.

We were ready, but we didn't know what for.

On the 5th, Doug cleaned our porch and picked up all the trash from the street in front of our house (which every kid in the neighborhood uses as a trash can).

We bought individually wrapped chocolates and some mixed nuts.  

We vacuumed, dusted, hid messes you don't want people to see, etc.

And then we got ready for bed.

Sleep didn't happen.

There were assorted fireworks in the city, plus bottle rockets and Roman Candles happening right in front of the chicken dukan.

This is the Bottle Rocket crew the following morning, still at it.  I snapped their picture out Kylie's window.

They all belong to the extended family of our landlord.


Actually, the fireworks were being aimed (not on purpose, I think) in the direction of our house and the electrical wires that run in front of it.  Smart, huh?

We set our alarms early.  We were told Doug needed to be at our gate, with doors open, at 7am with "the chocolates," and the girls needed to be in their cultural clothing with hair done ready to go at 8am.



I don't know who makes up these times, but we tried our best.

Sure enough, I looked at the window at 7:20, and Doug had just served chocolates to a bunch of men.



The men and boys walk around after prayers.  I don't know who decides who stays at home with chocolates and who walks around, but we did the chocolates.

If children walk around, they are given chocolates AND money.

At 7:30, Doug came to get me to tell me there were some women there to greet me.

It was two sweet ladies from the other side of the Chicken dukan.  We told each other how beautiful we looked, kissed cheeks four times, did all the holiday greetings, and they said to come by later.

See?  So that's the deal.

Day One is a big visitation day.  From 8am to Noon, you go door-to-door visiting your neighbors.

Whole families visiting whole families.

After that is lunch and family time.

This will be the first time Doug and I go visiting together.  I'm usually in the home with only women.

Question:  If we're all visiting door-to-door, who's at home?  (It's questions like these that were driving me crazy.)

Well, 8 o'clock wasn't working for my neighbor Jasmine*.  She sent her daughter over at 7:30 to get us.

Here's some of us.

We went into her sitting room.  It was the first time I'd ever been in a room with her husband.  I've seen him at the vegetable dukan they own, but he's never spoken to me.

There was a lot of silence because our language is so limited.

I went in the kitchen to help Jasmine* serve...homemade baklava!

 And nuts...and orange juice...and water...and Pepsi.

I felt comfortable helping Jasmine*, which I would only do in the home of a good friend.  Usually, you just sit and wait to be served.  But after our family came, her daughter-in-laws parents and brothers came in to join us, so I served everyone.  I also texted the American friends with language (Jennifer*, her husband, and her three kids) we were going to walk around with, and they came over.

Jasmine* had told our girls and Jennifer's* girls to go upstairs to visit her 17-year old twins who were still getting ready.

The make-up application took forever!  They stayed upstairs with the twins until it was time to leave.  The way we knew it was time to leave was because more people were coming in.

The good news is that we had a good conversation with the other family that had come in (the family of the daughter-in-law).  On the TV was the live stream of what was happening in Mecca.  As we watched several hundred people march in circles around the Kaaba (the black building in Mecca that followers of Islam face when they pray).  We asked why they were marching around it.  Why there weren't a lot of people there on this special day (compared to the hoards of crowds we've seen before), and we had a small amount of time to say small Truths to them before we leave.  

Any seed planted is better than no seed at all.

First house down.